THE DECEMBER TRAP

Bottomline : money starts talking and you listen, it gives you suggestions that you know very well are illogical but since it overpowers your thinking forcing you to make the dumbest decisions ever..

Money has this itching effect, anyone who tells you money never itches him or her is a pretender, the festive season provides the most suitable environment for the itching effect of money to manifest itself.

This remains to be the only month where you have two salaries; your November salary usually hits the account on the 5^th of December latest whereas the December Salary is deposited in the account latest 15^th, those employed are we reading from the same script? Yearly bonuses also happen to come at this time, if you are never loaded in December yet you are employed, the person who bewitched you died without lifting off the spell.

In this month, church attendance is at an all-time low, when people have money they forget about God. Either way they will come back in January, after seeing the light when broke. It is the only month when one leaves the house at AM (After Midnight) as early as 8am and comes back in AM as late as 7am the following day, after night out raving. Actually it’s the only month that nights are longer and days are shorter.

Then the money starts talking and you listen, it gives you suggestions that you know very well are illogical but since it overpowers you thinking forcing you to make the dumbest decisions ever. Money will tell you how Jameson from your usual neighborhood joint which is relatively ‘cheaper’ is of a lower quality, has been ‘added’ water, its counterfeit and its produced somewhere in Kariobangi North. It will go further to advice you how it might give you liver cirrhosis, kidney failure, diabetes, high blood pressure and leukemia yet you have been drinking there for a whole year. Money will therefore direct you to upgrade to another upmarket joint where the price of Jameson is attached to its ‘big’ name that comes with it costing you thrice what you are accustomed to, since you are buying both the ‘name’ and the drink.

After using public transport and route 11 for the whole year, money will advise you on how you need to either buy or hire a car depending on what is available, it will never advice you to use taxi. Most of the time it advices on the latter, car hire. Knowing very well you don’t have a driving license you conspire with crooked members in the System acquire it within two days, call a driver friend for a two day driving crush programme in a nearby football field probably in a public school. Within three days you are overtaking people in roundabouts, playing loud music with all windows open as one arm is in the “Greater Than” position. Those asking why traffic jams have been all over the city, you now got your answers. All these come with hidden costs which you will be made aware of in January.

Most of your friends have gone upcountry to join their folks; money tells you how you should also go upcountry to visit yours. How do you even remain behind when the entire neighborhood is away? Unless you want to invite those unpleasant questions of “Kwani hamnaga Ushago”, you don’t have an upcountry home? . Knowing very well the village perception a Nairobian “JoNarobi” as they are referred or other urban dwellers “JoPango” the ground will be hostile if you don’t arrive in a car with serious supporting shopping from city supermarkets to account for what you have been doing in the city.

All bills will be yours to foot, relatives will come in handy with all kind of financial problems that need your financial intervention such as how your father’s dog invaded their farm and devoured all their maize and groundnuts thus a poor harvest yet the last time I checked with my class four science teacher dogs were carnivores i.e meat eaters;  the chief will also ambush you with a proposal to marry his daughter as elders converge at your homestead daily offer you development advice on how you can play a crucial role in ensuring the village establishes its first power plant, Posho mill which will be the village’s lifeline. Heading upcountry in December is a trap; yes a serious trap and January always proves me right.  

KENYAN LADIES AND THEIR NIGERIAN BOYFRIENDS.

Bottomline: My sister if you happen to be dating a Nigerian businessman who doesn’t work at either Shelter Afrique, Taxify, Nigerian High Commission, United Nations or EcoBank, run baby run..

     

Seated in a dimly lit corner which doubles up as the VIP section of a high end lounge in the western side of the city, a place where only those with membership cards or ‘those’ accompanying ‘those’ with membership cards are allowed entry. I fall under the category of ‘those’ accompanying ‘THOSE’ with the cards thanks to the people I work with. In this section of the lounge you are able to have unlimited view of what is going on around the lounge. Let’s not confuse each other, a lounge combines dining and entertainment with the dining section serving a wide range of delicacies; a club has hawkers who limit dining services to eggs, samosas, smokies and sausages ; whereas a pub has its dining section at the door where meat is being roasted, boiled with soup being titrated under not so hygienic conditions.

Some few minutes to 8pm, a troupe of Nigerian men donning their usual Agbada attires storm in taking strategic sitting positions adjacent to where we were. It was not the first time I came across them infact, we usually had those small time conversations which don’t go beyond ten minutes exchanging only pleasantries since I am not able to comprehend the points they are trying to put across thanks to their heavy tongues, Igbo interference culminating to their pidgin English which from afar sounds like English but it’s not English, it’s just in between here and there.

Knowing very well that Kenyan men are grand architects of robbery without violence, like what the Thika trio pulled on Kenya Commercial Bank, they don’t bother themselves sustaining any meaningful conversation with us since they know we won’t buy in their ‘business’ shenanigans. Furthermore, the difference between them and us when it comes to crooked ways is the similarity. So they shift their focus to our gullible women who buy everything they say as gospel truth, removing no comma, hyphen or apostrophe.

Inset: Agbada attire Photo: Courtesy of Amillionstyles.com

Thanks to the fragrance of their expensive French cologne which I could tell was Annick Goutal Eau D’hadrien, women start trooping to their table one after the other, within a few minutes the ratio of  Ogas to women is 1:3. They automatically shift the point of attraction from the Deejays booth to their table as they talk in capital letters multiplying any other lounge sounds to zero raising it to infinity. Telling stories on how they took part in Biafra war, how they have neutralized Boko Haram in Sambisa forest, how everyone is a Masters holder back in their country and other Yoruba short stories as ladies remain glued to their seats listening keenly. If they would replicate the attention they give our these ninjas elsewhere, 80% of our doctors would be women and not men. Before realizing it, they are already living with them as husband an wife only for the Oga to disappear regularly for mysterious ‘overseas’ business trips within Westlands. They make you see Nigerian as paradise, until you start critically asking yourself, If Nigeria was the paradise they portrayed what brought them here in any case?  

Creating this enigmatic impression among our women aided with their movies and music which have religious viewership amongst our female members of the society portraying them as charming, hardworking, sensitive, patient romantic, presentable, loaded, confident, generous and caring which is the direct opposite of their realistic Kenyan counterparts who have been accused of being stingy, shaggy, cantankerous, lazy, boring, careless and insensitive.

Unlike men who reason with their heads before making judgments, Ladies use their feelings and hearts to make judgments. Alive to this fact, these cliques of Nigerian noveau riche possess all the attributes that will make ladies susceptible by appealing to their feelings thus facilitating their end game, deception. They clearly orchestrate the 3^rd Law of Power, concealing their intentions.

All of them are businessmen; they deal with everything in general and nothing in particular. They have many businesses overseas, their numerous passports act as ‘supporting’ documents to their claims, which in essence might be the criminal trail they left behind from respective countries. They all claim to be related to Aliko Dangote who is either their ‘uncle’ or business associate or a combination of both.

No man in his rightful mind would spend hard earned cash on daily merrymaking; drinking and smoking shisha. Our Oga brothers are international renowned drug peddlers, ivory traders, black market operatives, money launderers and cyber criminals. If you doubt ask uncle Google about Antony Chinedu or Emannuel Peter Lovembe. My sister if you happen to be dating a Nigerian businessman who doesn’t work at either Shelter Afrique, Taxify, Nigerian High Commission, United Nations or EcoBank, run baby run..     

DEAR MOTHER IN LAW..............................

Bottomline: Boiling sossi and noodles gives her the false assumption that she is a good cook.

I sincerely hope all is well with you as for me nothing seems to be well but I am fine. Am writing to you from our homestead somewhere in South Mugirango concerning your lovely daughter. You might not have heard about me and you may never hear about me depending on the designated role am playing in your daughter’s life.

Am not even sure if am the one she has talked about during your usual mother daughter pep talk, now that she is in her prime age, 20-23 years where she is the pearl of many men eyes courtesy of her physique.  I might not even feature in her list of preferred potential husband material ‘candidates’ infact I won’t be surprised if she categorizes me amongst her “a thousand ways to die”.

Coming from a clan of renowned dowry negotiators, my mother still holds the record for being the most expensive signing, bride the clan has ever paid dowry for, our clan was left 15 cows poorer. Apart from being a teacher she is the clan’s de facto chief chef across all events from weddings, family get-together to funerals.In the village where your daughter might be married there is no electricity and running water. I hope she knows how to carry water on her head from the stream.

Going by my previous experiences from your daughter’s kitchen ‘prowess’, am happy to inform you that your daughter might not even fetch you a chicken. I might not only be fined heavily for wasting their precious time and energy in a closed door dowry negotiation meeting of a woman who can’t cook ‘Ugali’ maize meal, for ten people in a pot on a three stone cooking fire but also be banished from taking part in clan activities since a man whose wife can’t perform motherly roles is considered single thus can’t speak in front of other men. She is an environmentalist thus she can’t come into contact with charcoal, she doesn’t know how to use a charcoal jiko, she isn’t aware of the existence of a paraffin stove therefore she can’t cook on both.

.

photo courtesy

The first induction these traditionalists whom we share a common village, origin and happen to be older than me will give her is to slaughter and cook chicken for them. This will be an herculean task am aware your daughter can’t manage since she is used to buy those ready-made somersaulting ones in fast food outlets around town or those deep frozen in my neighborhood butchery. Plus she considers it an inhuman act that is primitive in nature.

Your daughter is the SI unit of incompetence when it comes to cooking. She has managed to drag me to her sossi-noodle-pizza dietary axis which has made a minor common cold ground me as if I have contacted tuberculosis. Boiling sossi and noodles gives her the false assumption that she is a good cook. Am yet to find a family that brought up their children on sossi-noodle-pizza dietary.

Promoting local economy at the expense of my wallet seems to be her objective in life, buying ready-made food from chopped vegetables be it  kales or cabbages, grated carrots to boiled beans, green grams and peas. Nevertheless, God has been faithful I haven’t contracted cholera with all the outbreaks have seen on TV.

She tells me you never taught her how to knead flour that makes chapati which has forced me to incur additional costs in buying ready-made ones which have overstayed on those supermarket bakeries. However, lately I have resorted to preparing chapatis for myself since buying those ready-made ones she forces me put in my supermarket trolley limit my consumption abilities, in addition to their substandard nature.

Washing anything isn’t her thing as she says; doing laundry and cleaning dishes will break her well-manicured nails which are always under maintenance every Saturday afternoon in those posh saloons where ‘colouring’ nails takes the whole afternoon. The financial implication of her not being able to do dishes and laundry means I have to either acquire the services of a house help or  a dish washer and a washing machine to me the latter is the only option since I live in a bedsitter, though I still doubt if the two appliances can fit in the limited space.

African cooking stones

There is this universally agreed girl code that there is no mother in-law who is good. If my mother wasn’t that good I wouldn’t be here, she should never try to speak daggers concerning my mother, like Caesar’s wife, my mother is beyond reproach.   

I acknowledge we live in modern times though she has taken modernity to a whole new level. She has replicated her habit of watching wedding show to gate crashing weddings with her clique of friends where they go to benchmark for their future weddings. Didn’t I mention these weddings they gate crash are the invite only ones where one friend in the clique gets the invitation then the rest invite themselves as proxies as they tag along. Anytime she comes from those weddings I never have peace as she highlights on key areas of improvement for her big day in future. From how she prefers her wedding having a seven storeyed cake, being ‘chauffeured’ on a chopper to wearing an Italian made gown designed by Allesandra Rinaudo herself. Her wedding budget is worth my lifetime saving.

Her insistence on not taking up my name after marriage, in any case we end up together is another bone of contention. She insists on maintaining her birth name hope you will inform her of the benefits of taking up your husband’s name just in any case things go south she will be in a position to inherit the few earthly possessions I have here and there.

SLAYING SLAY QUEENS; THEIR SIGNS & SYMPTOMS

Bottomline: They consume alcoholic drinks with three names and above like Kerrygold Irish Cream Liqueur, Vermeer Dutch Chocolate Cream Liqueur and Forty Creek Premium Cream Liqueur,forget the two named ones like Johhny Walker,Captain Morgan and Remy Martin.

After tormenting  Nigerian men in particular and West African men in general difficult courtesy of their peculiarity which seems to have been blown eastwards courtesy of media literacy and pervasiveness this new breed of women, averagely educated with urban exposure have made a grand entry in our country with the following characteristics taking centre stage;

Lifestyle; invite one for a date they arrive as a squadron. A squadron has between four to five slay queens each with a specific role. The hottest one playing the Queen since she is the centre of masculine attraction, we also have the Drone who is the lead investigator and researcher per excellence. She is able to tell the financial viability of a man, the next best partying hangout and their next vacation destination.

There is the Undertaker, she is usually the ‘heavily built’ one incharge of general security of the entire squadron always sober, takes care of the rest by ensuring they all reach home after a night out party. Living together in some bedsitter somewhere in a leafy suburb to increase their chances of landing a big catch, paying 35K as rent. They have a Worker who is incharge of ensuring the house is tidy incase a potential catch stops by.

Making grand entrances in church in their high heels and bangles diverting all the pulpit attention to them, usually when the silence of the congregation is shouting probably during the second, gospel reading.

Nairobi diaries is the only program they watch in our local Television stations, they keep wondering why WAGS ( Wives and Girlfriends of Sports athletes) wasn’t listed in Kalasha awards , Huddah Monroe is their role model whereas Akothee is their threat since she promotes ‘financial independence’ amongst their kind.


Starter pack; for one to be admitted to this clique you have to have these as your factory default settings  Shisha pot ;purple lipstick; goldish shades; pink clutch bag, handbags are for those in mothers union; green tattoos  either the breast, neck or arm and Infinix Zero 5 optical zoom for hourly photo sessions. To them wearing a bra is old school since it will hinder the visibility of their cleavages.

Image Courtesy of Photography by Peter K

Force upgrades; The “I don’t do” statement is the most common term that comes out of their mouths anytime they want to object an offer, “by the way I don’t do those Pizza (Pitza to them) in town unless you order me one from Dominos.” I thought Pizza is Pizza whether it’s from Dominos, Debonairs or Deboras. They consume alcoholic drinks with three names and above like Kerrygold Irish Cream Liqueur, Vermeer Dutch Chocolate Cream Liqueur and Forty Creek Premium Cream Liqueur,forget the two named ones like Johhny Walker,Captain Morgan and Remy Martin. Didn’t I mention their taste for foreign goods is out of this world.  

Gold diggers; they treat any man who shows interest in them as a shopping voucher and a vacation offer. You automatically assume all the roles of an ATM once they find your weakness, they will maneuver their way in and out of your bank account effortlessly. They expect VIP treatment everywhere, front row seats at entertainment shows but not in church or lecture halls.

Blonde Moments; If you ever doubt that we are living in an era of smartphones and stupid people you just have to encounter a slay queen. They believe chips and fresh fries are different delicacies yet the difference between the two is the similarity, Addis Ababa is a country neighbouring Ethiopia and Donald Trump is the President of Syria.

Borrowed accent; speaking with their noses so as to influence word pronunciations. This habit has literally made us functionally illiterate as simple French borrowed English words such as croissant undergo linguistic metamorphosis to sound like Mandarin. They begin sentences with “As in” with sound bites like daah popping up in between their conversations. Otherwise is used as a greeting, when did this happen.

Instagram presence; going by ridiculous names like Sashaholic Bootylicious they suffocate Instagram with photos of inconsequential activities such as brushing their in the morning. They believe Instagram is the greatest invention by man after the smartphone. They treat this data consuming social media application as their Whatsapp. Always taking photos twisting their mouths in a certain manner, only known to them as they curve their legs outwards to give them the false belief that they have well-endowed posterior assets. Their Infinix phones only pick their locations such at Burj Khalifa, Skylux Lounge, Fourth parklands avenue and sea cliff resort & spa. They take multiple photos in a single event, in different poses which will be posted on different dates with different location tags to keep their timelines lively.

Photo courtesy of Naija.com

Beauty Enhancers; Rainfall remains their public enemy number one since they never attended any PE (Physical Education) class thus can’t run so as to scamper for safety during those surprise heavy downpours which will definately wash away their make-up. You might not be able to identify any semblance between their past and present photos courtesy of hip pills and bleaching agents thus you might have the ‘she looks familiar’ question when you come across her.

Telephone conversation; “I need a favour” is their De facto pick up line when they begin all their conversations more so when they want to gauge your finances. My brother when you see such a text switch off your mobile date and uninstall Whatsapp. If it’s a phone text don’t reply and incase it’s a call pull off the “am in a noisy place, I can’t here you, let me call you later”, or else you will be forced to solicit money from close friends to send her.

Affinity to WiFi; as a cutting cost measure, they will always want to reduce their spending on data yet they can’t compromise offline. They can’t afford to miss the latest video to be posted by one of their groupies. Furthermore, they have photo backlogs which are yet to be posted online. No wonder the first thing they ask for is the Wi-Fi password when they are on a date instead of things of national importance such as washrooms and menu.

Toxic Feminist Mentality; they believe that any male member of the society who doesn’t have money is lazy, doesn’t deserve their time and should be sent to Mars to find out if the planet is indeed inhabitable. Their fixation with wealth is out of this world, they gauge you before you share a table with them they have to know where you work, how much you earn, where you live and which machine do you use to change mobility from point X to point Y. They have the ability to answer all this questions by just taking a glimpse of your attire, phone and key holder before putting you in your ‘place’.  

CHRISTIANS OR CHURCH-GOERS.

              

Bottomline: Nowadays it’s very difficult to differentiate between Christians and church goers, church goers seem to have taken over thus the rise of Sunday Christians.

Sometime back a friend told me he had taken a sabbatical leave from Christianity since he was disappointed with Christians in general. When I enquired further why he took such a drastic measure on religion, critical matter considering he is a Christian by birth and upbringing. His answer was straight and bold, “Have you not seen the kinds of social injustices and immorality which are being perpetuated by the so called Christians from rampant runaway corruption to open looting of public taxes.” His sentiments made me to do a self-evaluation on Christians and church goers. Christianity has been on a steady decline recently making it difficult to differentiate between Christians and Church goers.We have 'Christians' who can comfortably sing Timmy T Dat- Inaweza Haiwezi song word by word but cant sing a praise and worship song even with the aid of a hymn book.

Patiently sitting on the “Hallelujah” bench, the front row bench in the church which is specifically designated mainly for politicians and other influential members of the society.  Patiently waiting for two or so hours of weekly Christianity to come to an end so that they can embark on their normal life unperturbed. The sermon seems to be wasting their time, constantly checking their phones to check if there are incoming texts messages from friends alerting them of a drinking spree which is already going down and they are missing out.  

When texts messages seem not to be coming through, switching on mobile data to check on current gossip going on in Kilimani Mums Facebook group which is the headquarters of gossip North of Limpopo and South of Sahara and those secretive member only Whatsapp and Telegram groups where ungodly matters are the major topics of discussion. All this is happening when the preacher is busy trying to win their souls for the Messiah which seem to be the least of their concerns.

Dressed in unusual long dresses, carrying all the dust along the way as opposed to the revealing type of attire they are accustomed to the whole week in an attempt to look decent in the house of the Lord. When you stumble upon them an hour after the church service you might think you have confused them for someone else. Those attires are specifically for going to church after which they are kept at the furthest corner of the wardrobe where they would be pulled out the following Sunday or another Sunday when they would feel like they have to go to church.

Christians at a church service,photo courtesy.

Struggling to fight Friday and Saturday hangovers; trying to remain awake after a two day drinking spree. The alcohol content in their system seem to be getting the better of them as they struggle to steady their heads and keep their eyes open throughout the better part service, only to wake up when they offertory hymn is being sang a clear indication that the service is about to come to an end. Despite sleeping for the better part of the sermon, they will wake up, find their way to the pulpit and receive the Holy Communion.  

Adopting a Holier than thou attitude during the service as they struggle to sing hymns which they haven’t done for a long time, even with the help of hymn books they find it difficult to catch up thus ending up escorting others as they survive amongst the congregation. Their humility is shouting as this is the only day, sorry time when the mightiest become humble only for this to change immediately they go past the church doors, they embark to their default settings, their normal personality for the whole week till the next church service. Speaking in tongues seems to be the specialty when praying something that should only be done when one has been filled by the Holy Spirit.

Difficulty in opening the bible verse even with the digital revolution where smartphones come with Bibles apps which are installed during the church service only to be deleted immediately after the service to create space for more ‘useful’ mobile apps. These clique of church goers can’t comfortable open the book of Habakkuk or Haggai, they don’t know the shortest Bible verse is John 11:35 “Jesus wept” and they can’t memorize the most popular memory verse John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”. Their memorable miracle remains when Jesus changed water into wine in the wedding at Cana. When you ask them what they have learnt at the sermon immediately after the sermon you won’t be surprised when they tell you they can’t remember a clear indication that they just went to the service to make a technical appearance nothing more. If you are a Christian or you claim to be one, ask yourself has your life as a Christian moved anyone? or does God only exist when we are in a fix, when all is well no one cares.......

MISTAKES GRADUATES MAKE;REALITY AND EXPECTATIONS.

       

Bottomline: Dear graduate avoid the city like your mother in law, the city is a jungle.

Graduating seems to be a big deal to many students, keeping in mind not everyone who gets admitted to the university accomplishes this fete. The undergraduate degree one acquires can either make you a better or it can frustrate you out here considering we live in a country where it takes an average graduate, with no tall relatives 3-4 years to get a stable job which might not be his or her preferred choice. Graduates often become frustrated since they aren’t able to bridge the perception gap between reality and expectations which makes them to make the following blunders:

Going to the city; Dear graduate do not attempt to come to the city without any plan, the city is a cruel place to be when you are unemployed, you don’t have any relative and you don’t have money. If by any chance you must come to the city and you don’t have a relative, look for 3 former colleagues rent a bedsitter close to the CBD where you won’t be struggling with fare as you go hustling out and about. If you don’t have a concrete plan in the city, avoid it like your mother in law, the city is a jungle. Staying in the village for too long also may limit your opportunities and open-mindedness. Only graduates who are teachers, social workers and community developers should stay for long in villages, their demand is very high there. 

Respect your less ‘literate’ supervisor; when I was in campus, Dr. Andrew Lang‘at gave me a book by Robert T. Kiyosaki “Why ‘A’ Students work for ‘C’ Students and ‘B’ Students work for the government.” From this book I managed to extract my own version of this book in relation to the Kenyan context “Why ‘A’ Students are in the private sector ‘B’ students work for the government ‘C’ students are in the Jua Kali Sector ‘D’ Students are the government and ‘E’ Students are government suppliers and tenderprenuers.”  When you land a job you are likely to work under a boss who can’t write a memo, report or letter. However, with all his or her brief education he or she remains your boss, you do the donkey work yet he takes away the lions share in terms of credit, salary and allowances. My friends respect that person he or she remains your boss despite the brief education. Raising your ‘head’ can lead to your dismissal just be polite as you earn a living.

Dropping job applications everywhere; moving from one organization or company to another like a mad man dropping copies of your curriculum vitae and academic certificates even when the company or organization hasn’t advertised for any vacancy. Printing outside here is very expensive unlike in campus. The worst thing about dropping your curriculum vitae and academic certificates is that they end up being shredded without even being opened; in short your application is dead on arrival.  If they are opened at the HR department they are used in training staff on how to write cover letters, resumes and CV. In short you are supplying the HR department with personnel training material for free.

Setting the Minimum Salary bar: How much do you expect as your salary? This is the first question you are asked in all job interviews. Outside here there are many graduates who came before you and there are many graduates who will come after you. Kenya is a capitalist state where employers pay you what they deem enough for you to survive not what is enough for you to live. So you should stop dreaming that you will get a starting salary of Ksh 50,000 if you are not a doctor. By the way employers don’t employ the best; they employ the person who can do the work at the lowest cost possible. Furthermore, they have a large pool of unemployed graduates to choose from. My friend when did you become a commissioner at the Salaries and Remuneration Commission to determine how much you should be paid for your work?

Following former colleagues online; Being online across all social media platforms 24/7 will only make you more frustrated. It’s only in social media where everyone is living a larger than life lifestyle, everyone is employed and doing well in life. Only login Facebook and Instagram when necessary, instead you should focus on LinkedIn where you may stumble across job opportunities and you email account where you might be lucky to have received an interview request from those random jobs you applied via those links sent on Whatsapp or LinkedIn. Stay on Twitter to get news updates and know what’s trending around you it might help during a job interview when you are asked about that question that doesn’t concern the job you applied but it’s an emerging current affairs topic. Employers nowadays prefer employees who are well informed in current affairs not the book type only employees.

Volunteering expecting employment; when you offer yourself as a volunteer in any organization kindly do so to gain experience and not expecting employment, if by any chance a vacancy comes up and you are employed well and good. I have seen former colleagues who have volunteered for more than 9 months awaiting employment only for them to be frustrated as the organization employs newbies who come out of nowhere when vacancies come up.  

Fitting in; don’t struggle to fit in when you can stand out. Live your life according to your bank statement don’t overstretch your wallet. Don’t start taking coffee at Java, Lunch at KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken), dinner at Dominos and drinks at Sankara. My friend I also see these outlets on billboards and TV adverts, and hear their stories from friends of my friends.  

Having Safaricom as your only line; it might be the reliable option when you were using your parent or guardian’s money to buy airtime. However, when it comes to your own cash Airtel has the affordable call and mobile money rates and Telkom has the affordable mobile data. Outside here you forget reliability and convenience focus on affordability, when you will get enough cash you will focus on reliability and convenience. Have 3 lines Airtel for calls and Sending money, Telkom for Mobile Data Bundles and Safaricom for receiving money. If you can’t have the 3 just have the Airtel line alone it will serve you best.

Comparing self with former female colleagues; most ladies land jobs faster compared to their male colleagues after completing university, take a sample of your former colleagues you will realize that most of your male colleagues are doing everything in general and nothing in particular. We all have those female colleagues who were flower girls back in campus, those who used to copy paste your assignments word by word, full stop by full stop and comma by comma. They were never in campus when you were struggling with assignments instead they were on weekend getaways littering social media with photos of Johnie Walker black label and Famous Goose amongst other expensive liquor brands. They are employed, you are not. They make you to ‘see your life’ by inviting you for lunch at high end city restaurants where the cost of a plate is enough to push you through a whole week lunch at your usual dugout and still have pocket change you can use as a day’s fare. My friend don’t compare yourself with them just remind yourself that God’s time is the best.