Wednesday 19 November 2014

THE SPECIES OF COMRADES OF MAIN CAMPUS Part two of four




Day Walkers; this are comrades who never engage in anything academically constructive during the day. They engage in time consuming or rather time wasting activities like playing FIFA, walking to and from stage and inter hostel commuting. If you adopt this habit from the experts you might see stars during exams as the experts usually hole themselves in their rooms or on the upper floor of the library “hapo kwa Maggy” MTL ,at night to engage in serious reading. Since this is not high school where you can easily establish whether one is reading or not reading due to prep time, at campus there are no preps.

The Examiners; this are comrades who literally hijack the role of the exam coordinator or is it “cortinator” as my aide de camp and class representative Kimutai puts it. They have the ability to foretell questions which will come during the main exam and come up with answers which they usually put in soft copy, “Mwaks”, which is an external hard disc which is very effective for intellectual reinforcement during the exam period. They also go ahead and manipulate sitting positions so as to have an intellectual stronghold where all examiners sit together as an emergency measure incase their prediction “bounces” or hits the wall they can pull their intellectual resources together and come up with answers through coming up with a sort of intellectual Sacco or merry go round  kind of thing.

Book Wormers; this are comrades who came to the varsity to read, they did not read to come to the varsity as most comrades. Their lives revolve around their rooms, lecture halls and library. They are allergic to any co-curricular activities from watching football to storytelling. They just live their lives. 

The Traditionalists; I usually don’t like referring to them as villagers, this are comrades whom I can hypothetically say went to Otieno Oyoo primary school, Otieno Oyoo secondary school then finally through God’s favour Moi University. This are comrades who blame any unlucky happening within campus to their angry neighbors who aren’t happy with their successful exploits in the varsity. You can overhear them saying “hao watu wa kwetu wananifuata hadi main campus” “people are following me from the village.” They are always amazed by everything from storey buildings to female comrades wearing trousers. A good friend of mine Joshua Ongechi once told me that if a campus lady ever appears in their village somewhere in Kisii, in trousers, miniskirts and other my dress my choice kind of attires, women would call each other out to come witness eschatology, the end times as such an occurrence is only heard off.

Die Hards; this are comrades who never fail to turn up for any soccer match being screened from Student Centre whether it is Queens park Rangers against Nottingham Forest or Muhoroni Youth against Kenya Revenue Authority. They are always there, they seem to be the best footballers who should be awarded the Baloon d or and the best coaches as they always give recommendations on what a player should have done you will overhear them saying ‘io ball angeplace but alishoot’ ‘He should have placed for precision but he opted to shoot’. They also seem to be coaches as they also seem to have the best formation to be deployed and the player who should play where and who should be on the bench. They have Jerseys of their respective teams with their nicknames as “Jahome” at the back.

Opinion Givers; this comrades never fail to have opinions in any issue, any issue in this case is every issue even those they aren’t concerned. This are comrades who no matter how hard you try writing an article they will look out for spelling mistakes or use comments such as “nani ako na mkebe ya omo imeisha nataka kuwekea pegs’, ‘who has an unused tin of detergent help me with I use it to store my pegs’ or ‘hii hand out ni how much kwa photocopier,’ ‘how much does this handout go for at the photocopier.’

THE SPECIES OF COMRADES OF MAIN CAMPUS PART ONE OF FOUR

It has been quite some time since I wrote an article followers of my blog and articles have been asking me what went wrong, to summarize everything I was on a political leave but am now back. Now that first years have reported to campus, main campus where main things happen. In this academic environment you are destined to make new friends and come across different comrades some you are bound to like in your five year stay on campus, considering the further notices by the way forget the expiry date on the school identification card, while there are those you will hate with passion. Here is a list of comrades you are bound to interact with:
Flower girls and Best Men; Flower girls are female comrades who never take part in group assignments which are usually given in bulk by lecturers while best men are male comrades who do the same. They contribute nothing as they only emerge out of nowhere during the last minutes when the assignment is about to be collected. Flower girls usually come up with both convincible excuses such as “am out of town my mother is sick, am having periods………..” and inconvincible excuses like “niko saloon,niko dispensary……am in the saloon,am in the dispensary” while best men only issue threats like “muache utiaji mkose kuniweka kwa io group work at your own risk” “leave me out of the group work at your own risk”,however, some best men offer to foot the printing and binding  expenses of the assignment as long as they sign. Despite all of this you end up getting the same marks despite of their non-participation. The more best men and flower girls you have in your discussion group, the more you are bound to have more academic enemies. Another head ache is when the lecturer randomly picks either a best man or a flower girl to present, he or she might end up presenting imaginations instead of facts costing the whole group marks. Flower girls and best men belong to an association ,Tired Students Association(TSA) not Technology Students Association.
Goons, Goonlets and Goonlings; this are comrades my friend Brian Yego describes as politically hyper active comrades who support a candidate vying for student governing council position to their death under the influence of anything, anything in this case means everything from tribal loyalty, money, handouts, alcohol to personal conviction. A goon is a male student, a goonlet is a female student and a goonling is a student from both genders who is new in the game and is not yet a goon and a goonlet.
Politicians; this are comrades who eat, drink and sleep politics .They engage in never ending emotional debates which never end, they usually know each other. They debate and analyze both local Student Council politics, National politics; CORD-JUBILEE politics and International politics; Obama-Mc Cain politics. They usually converge at the frustration square where the debate never ends. They use difficult terms such as ‘Corpora Coporata’ and ‘comatose’ irrespective of the sentence so as to confuse each other while debating.
Women Reps; forget the ones who were elected for gender equity and to present issues affecting women at county level in parliament .Here it is a cliché used to refer to men who are Janitors-In-Chief and those who practice unrestricted submarine warfare. They either seduce or claim to have seduced all ladies with or without evidence. I was to give you two examples, however, I will give you one since the other threatened unwarranted repercussions if I mention him as a women rep. My friend Eddy Ashioya is one of them. This male students are the ones who “untrip” the electrical circuits in female hostels whenever there is a blackout. Their presence and impact around hostel J, K and L is highly felt.
Super Editors; this are comrades whom you would envy, they have a rare talent or is it a genetic mutation. This are comrades who have the ability to borrow your take away assignment edit it in a manner that it would seem you are the one who has copied yet it is vice versa. They end up getting more marks than you yet you are the owner of the original copy yet they are the pirate’s, thus the bragging rights.
Dabo Tappers; this are comrades who never bother to copy notes, and as remedy of dealing with them I write like a doctor issuing prescription to nurses so that they don’t borrow my note book. Their main activity when the lecturer is busy dictating and focused comrades are busy copying notes is ‘dabo tapping’ their touch screen phones. They usually open more than four tabs while surfing for different social sites; Facebook, twitter, Instagram and my space while using whatsapp and text messages at the same time thus paying no attention whatsoever to what the lecturer is saying.

Backbenchers; they are always Missing in Action (MIA) as they maintain minimum and necessary contact with lecturers. This are comrades who make semesterial appearances more so during sit in Continuous Assessment Tests (CATs) without any academic paraphernalia and any idea the name of the lecturer,the course name and code and even the date.They end up pestering you with questions concerning the course but without courtesy, “Eeh buda boss huyo mzae hujiitanga aje”  “you guy how does that guy(lecturer) how does he call himself.”

To be continued