A LETTER TO THE POPE

Dear Pope we welcome you to our humble country where corruption and tribalism are the pillars of national unity. Ever since you announced your visit to our country miracles started to happen; our national soccer team Harambee Stars started winning, Anne Waiguru ,the iron lady and state witness to the corruption case at her ministry of Devolution resigned and Njoki Chege the number one male chauvinist  converted to be a female lifestyle advisor.

Kenyans will be united in welcoming you to their country, they will forget about their ethnic identities, political affiliations and religious inclinations. They will come out in their numbers to witness the once in a lifetime event. Politicians who have stolen and misappropriated public finances will be fighting over sitting space as each one of them would want to sit close to or near to you .The last time some of them were seen in churches and other religious gatherings before the last elections as they went to seek divine intervention so as to win elections they have never been seen again. They will request you to pray for them and our country yet the moment you leave they would embark on prayer rallies in stadiums, forests and by the roadside where no mention of a single holy scripture nor the name of our Lord is mentioned infact the number of times they mention the name of their political nemesis is more than they mention the name of the lord.

Christianity as a religion is also under siege since churches have been mushrooming across the country notably in slum areas since religion is the opium of the poor.With funny names I won’t mention ,anyone who thinks he or she can ‘preach’ the Word names himself a prophet and starts to perform miracles using potassium permanganate at a cost of 310/=.Some pastors are responsible for breaking matrimonial homes as they opt to tell wives of their herdsmen bed time stories. Preachers have turned to be guns of hire as they offer their prayer services at a cost for the Burgoises and the political class whereas the poor have been declared persona non granta at some churches since they are deemed liabilities as they cannot contribute the minimum offering required.

Pope Francis

Parents are busy looking for money at the expense of offering moral guidance to their children leading to moral decay in the society. Underage children have embarked of drinking sprees as they try to contribute to ‘positively’ to the economy of the country. Everyone is busy looking for money and more money only a few faithful have time for religion with majority being ‘Sunday Christians’. The President gave us a holiday a day after you arrival as the national prayer day, the problem is the day was on a Thursday but good tidings to ‘shareholders’ of alcoholic companies as they have been given a license to drown themselves in liquor as they roast meat from today up to Sunday only to wake up on Monday complaining how the weekend was short and asking if you were even there and what message did you leave.

Socialites and politicians have overtaken professionals such as doctors, engineers, pilots and  teachers as role models as they are seen as ‘professions’ which one can earn easy cash fast and become rich overnight. High profile professions quit their occupations to venture into politics because they have realized that they are learned but their professional remuneration does not reflect so. On your way back to Vatican tag along  Moses Kuria,William Kabogo and George Aladwa to save Kenyans from any ethnic clashes in the forthcoming elections so that you can pray for them since they are above the law here.

Church songs which we used to sing when we were children such as “Jesus loves me yes I know for the Bible tells me so …….” are no longer sang by the upcoming ‘whatsapp’ generation who sing Roberto’s song Amarula and Vybz Kartel’s Rambo kanambo word by word .

Women have become materialistic to the extent of weighing a man’s husband potentiality on assets he has nothing more nothing less. You cannot talk to a lady in Nairobi without car keys in your hand as a man as handsome as his bank statement. Young ladies who want shortcuts out of poverty have decided to become events thus requiring sponsors to bankroll their lavish lifestyles.