THE SPECIES OF COMRADES IN MAIN CAMPUS PART ONE OF THREE

It has been quite some time since I wrote an article followers of my blog and articles have been asking me what went wrong, to summarize everything I was on a political leave but am now back. Now that first years have reported to campus, main campus where main things happen. In this academic environment you are destined to make new friends and come across different comrades some you are bound to like in your five year stay on campus, considering the further notices by the way forget the expiry date on the school identification card, while there are those you will hate with passion. Here is a list of comrades you are bound to interact with:

Flower girls and Best Men; Flower girls are female comrades who never take part in group assignments which are usually given in bulk by lecturers while best men are male comrades who do the same. They contribute nothing as they only emerge out of nowhere during the last minutes when the assignment is about to be collected. Flower girls usually come up with both convincible excuses such as “am out of town my mother is sick, am having periods………..” and inconvincible excuses like “niko saloon,niko dispensary……am in the saloon,am in the dispensary” while best men only issue threats like “muache utiaji mkose kuniweka kwa io group work at your own risk” “leave me out of the group work at your own risk”,however, some best men offer to foot the printing and binding  expenses of the assignment as long as they sign. Despite all of this you end up getting the same marks despite of their non-participation. The more best men and flower girls you have in your discussion group, the more you are bound to have more academic enemies. Another head ache is when the lecturer randomly picks either a best man or a flower girl to present, he or she might end up presenting imaginations instead of facts costing the whole group marks. Flower girls and best men belong to an association ,Tired Students Association(TSA)

Goons, Goonlets and Goonlings; this are comrades my friend Brian Yego describes as politically hyper active comrades who support a candidate vying for student governing council position to their death under the influence of anything, anything in this case means everything from tribal loyalty, money, handouts, alcohol to personal conviction. A goon is a male student, a goonlet is a female student and a goonling is a student from both genders who is new in the game and is not yet a goon and a goonlet.

Politicians; this are comrades who eat, drink and sleep politics .They engage in never ending emotional debates which never end, they usually know each other. They debate and analyze both local Student Council politics, National politics; CORD-JUBILEE politics and International politics; Obama-Mc Cain politics. They usually converge at the frustration square where the debate never ends. They use difficult terms such as ‘Corpora Coporata’ and ‘comatose’ irrespective of the sentence so as to confuse each other while debating.

Women Reps; forget the ones who were elected for gender equity and to present issues affecting women at county level in parliament .Here it is a cliché used to refer to men who are Janitors-In-Chief and those who practice unrestricted submarine warfare. They either seduce or claim to have seduced all ladies with or without evidence. I was to give you two examples, however, I will give you one since the other threatened unwarranted repercussions if I mention him as a women rep. My friend Eddy Ashioya is one of them. This male students are the ones who “untrip” the electrical circuits in female hostels whenever there is a blackout. Their presence and impact around hostel J, K and L is highly felt. 

Super Editors; these are comrades whom you would envy, they have a rare talent or is it a genetic mutation. This are comrades who have the ability to borrow your take away assignment edit it in a manner that it would seem you are the one who has copied yet it is vice versa. They end up getting more marks than you yet you are the owner of the original copy yet they are the pirate’s, thus the bragging rights.

Dabo Tappers; these are comrades who never bother to copy notes, and as remedy of dealing with them I write like a doctor issuing prescription to nurses so that they don’t borrow my note book. Their main activity when the lecturer is busy dictating and focused comrades are busy copying notes is ‘dabo tapping’ their touch screen phones. They usually open more than four tabs while surfing for different social sites; Facebook, twitter, Instagram and my space while using whatsapp and text messages at the same time thus paying no attention whatsoever to what the lecturer is saying.

Backbenchers; they are always Missing in Action (MIA) as they maintain minimum and necessary contact with lecturers. This are comrades who make semesterial appearances more so during sit in Continuous Assessment Tests (CATs) without any academic paraphernalia and any idea the name of the lecturer,the course name and code and even the date.They end up pestering you with questions concerning the course but without courtesy, “Eeh buda boss huyo mzae hujiitanga aje”  “you guy how does that guy(lecturer) how does he call himself.”

OF HOSTELS AND MOI UNIVERSITY; ALL HAIL HESTGATE.

Part two of two,

This mega-hostel which derives its Hilliance name from the popular stage based reliance supermarket .It is the unopposed Central Business District(CBD) of Moi University main campus .It is also known as Hestgate  after Westgate shopping mall since it is also a consortium of many businesses. It is the only hostel that does not experience blackouts even if the entire Kesses region under Eldoret South Kenya power and lightning company (KPLC) zone as it has its independent transformer on top of it .Nobody in main campus can clearly describe hostel H well, some will say it is a bakery, others will say it is a laboratory, others will say it a supermarket, others will say it is a black-market but the bottom line is that it is an assembly of all merchants in Moi University Main Campus. Let me try to break down in detail what hostel H aka Hilliance aka Hestgate is in details.

 It houses Pumwani Hospital (Hospice) private wing which was official opened last around June this year when I was undertaking my last semester as a first year. The first patient was a second year on long holiday who came to deliver her first class honours after her boyfriend had refused to take responsibility of the honours .If you think am lying then go and look for crazy Monday pullouts during this period and you will find the details of how a university chic gave birth in a male hostel.

   Stationary and printing press  have their bases here, national newspapers such as the Daily Nation, The Standard and international newspapers such as The New York Times should  consider opening new outlets most photocopiers are located here .This paper business is booming due to the relatively cheap prices and the never ending advertisements up to the washrooms each printing press trying to market itself to customers who flock the hostel in their numbers .Unfortunately these printing presses save your assignment only to sell it to your course mates on a willing buyer willing seller basis. This situation automatically leads to exam malpractice ,which is  a crime with ramifications only my course mate Roy Neto can tell from a victims perspective how nearly half the class collected his assignment after he had printed from a rogue printer who sold it to fellow lazy course mates .You cannot think what happened next.

   

  Hestgate Revenue Authority (HRA) which is the body controlled by the janitor and is in charge of collecting revenue all the businessmen in H. It also gives licenses to all businessmen and aspiring businessmen who want to carry out business activities in this hostel. The businessmen who think they are smarter than the taxman (HRA) try to cheat the taxman of his dues end up being banished from doing business within and around H until they pay the fine.

          Laboratories used by able scientists manufacturing Hydrated Omena Hydroxide (HOH).This laboratories are usually located on the ground floor as the perfume is usually concentrated here.

            Bank of Hestgate (BoH) which is also located in this building .It provides loans to businessmen who don’t have funds to start businessmen, like my   class rep Kevin who after being poor like me for a whole semester out of nowhere bought a printer and began his printing business nowadays I only hear of him on the radio he has really crossed the border of poverty now he is living in the land of milk and honey, leaving me in poverty.

                  It is the only the only hostel in the whole world that houses The Statehouse and Whitehouse, if you think am lying go ask to be shown these presidential palaces .On top of that they have party house which is also recognized by the online booking system .I Almost forgot before I knew of Westgate hostel H had Westgate already .However their Westgate is located on the First floor on your way to the washrooms just next to room 116 you can confirm from yourself if you don’t believe me.

               This hostel also has a Casino, probably where James Bond Casino Royale blockbuster was acted .This is the pool located on the second floor where troublesome second years usually reduce their stress after a long day. On top of that these hostel has a butchery which sells meat though no one really knows where it is located .Hotels that sell ready to eat beans are also here no wonder the stench of  burnt beans is the odour second to Hydrated Omena Hydroxide.

              So far these is the Luxurious hostel in the university with all the investments in it no one would not want to live in it. However the major problem is with the Hestgate Sewerage and Sanitation Board (HSAS) is the only institution failing in its mandate as it is the dirtiest hostel in main campus with litter all over and no go zone washrooms. I really wonder how my class representatives Kimutai and Kevin together with class Campus women Representative  Bianka survived here for a whole year because the last time I attempted to pass through Hostel H during my first year I collapsed and found myself in Moi Referral Hospital Eldoret getting medication on Malaria ,Typhoid  ,Cholera and lung cancer. Can scientists take residents of these hostel as samples for experiments because they seem to be resistant species who could be used to formulate a hybrid vaccine.