SPONSOR-MENTALITY

Bottomline: “A man with money is handsome even if he looks like Mugabe himself” 

Having a sponsor seems to be the latest trend among ladies in institutions of higher learning. In their bid to live lavish lives which normal campus boyfriends from average families can’t sustain, going out with senior citizens who are either having troubled marriages or see them as experimental tools to satisfy their innate desires seems to be the fastest and easiest way to make cash.

Hanging out at high end hotels, shopping malls, recreation parks, road trips, exquisite Safari’s, invite only parties and going for weekend get aways seems to be the order of the day after which they splash the photos in all social media platforms for fellow ladies to envy their ‘positive’ progress in life. Am not a stalker by the way, however, I have noticed a certain sequence among some Facebook ladies who always hang out in hotels with two or more name like Villa Rosa Kempiski, Sun n’ Sand, Pizza Inn or those with initials such as KFC which they don’t have the slightest idea of what it means in full, not the usual pocket friendly fast food outlets their normal ‘financially frustrated good for boyfriends’ can afford. By the way for those who don’t know the meaning of KFC it stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken.

These ladies can’t even greet you, leave alone talking to you if you don’t have a running engine parked somewhere, and if you don’t have a car key you are not worth their attention. A man with money is handsome even if he looks like Mugabe himself, you will hear them saying in hush tones as they share pictures of their sponsors. To them a man who does not own a vehicle is lazy, period. 

Young lady marries an old man.

Materialism is all they think of, no wonder most of them use sponsors as camera men to take their pictures when they are on their weekend vacation, if a sponsor insists on appearing on the photo, he is either cropped or his head cut off. By the way who has ever seen a handsome presentable sponsor?

They overate everything about their weekends more so when they go out of town to either the invite only parties where they take selfies with bottles of Caribbean rum like Captain Morgan, Scottish 100 year old Gleinfidich whisky and expensive wines such as Nebuchadnezzar or the ‘Tembea Kenya’ tours you are 100% sure that their parents don’t have the slightest idea of how a tour road trip should be organized.

To ensure they stand out among their colleagues they always clad in the latest designer fashion from handbags, earrings, bangles, perfumes, dresses and ladies wear. They change their lifestyle completely not knowing that sponsors also get tired of eating the same diet overtime. Attending fashion events, reading fashion magazines and blogs instead of the course outline and handouts becomes the norm.

Hardwork among ladies who don’t indulge is sponsor related activities is not recognized as men have a perception that any lady who takes a photo with the seatbelt on is not the owner of the vehicle thus the saying “never trust a lady who takes a selfie with a seat belt as his profile picture”.

CAMPUS ROOMATES PART 1 of 2

Bottomline:  they came to the university to read, unlike majority who read so as to make it past the cut off mark and join varsity

In campus you are bound to come across many students from different socio-cultural backgrounds, through your four year period you are bound to have different roommates with different likes and dislikes unless you become a 'landlord' at stage where you decide to live in solitude. Up to now in my third year of study have stayed with different 'roomies';

The Villagers; this must be the favorite roommate you have to thank Mr.Masibo,the ICT hostel management guy for. They come from the interior parts of the republic with stories you always love to listen to. They are the usually genius students who happen to make it alone from their former high school to the university, lone rangers. These are the students the whole village looks up on as his or her success is considered the success of the whole village. They are always amazed by everything from portable televisions (laptops), flowing water from the tap, ability to light a room using the electrical switch, flash toilets, machines that 'pour' money ATM machines blaah blaah. Furthermore they came to witness buildings which are built on top of buildings, storey buildings in the university this explains why they fear going up high buildings.

The Drunkards; depending on your religious inclination you are bound to love them or to hate them. These are people who cannot sleep with any alcoholic drink in the same room, its either one sleeps inside the other. They are defacto members of stage based 'munir de barreaux' and shareholders of all beer, wines and spirits companies. They believe alcohol was made for them to drink and only them. When they are drunk they would usually shout along the academic highway tracking to their halls of residence 'If Jesus turned water into wine who am I not to drink,' a clear indication that they were magnificent during their Sunday school days .They place the bottles of all the alcoholic drinks they ever drunketh on windows of their hostel rooms to show their experience in that field. They are usually on financial comatose but never fail to have money for alcoholic activities.

The Scholars; These are students who came to the university to read, unlike majority who read so as to make it past the cut off mark and join varsity. Their life revolves around lecture halls and library they spend minimum and necessary contact with their rooms.They Know very well what brought them to the university. They are usually on an academic mode as they maneuver their way along the academic highway walking in an academic angle. They always have books everywhere they monologue walking. Getting 27 out of 30 in a CAT is an unforgivable academic sin punished by trans-nighting.

Fashionistas; the dress my choice click of roommates that are definitely going to start your day on a cheerful note. They always want to dress in the most suitable way possible say like KanyeWest or Nicky Minaj depending on the gender. They spend close to an hour admiring themselves on the mirror as they mix the eye pencil, eye shadow, lip gloss, lip balm, mascara, and foundation and other beauty paraphernalia to an extent that they look like someone different.
The Musicians; the woofer and virtual Dj pro mixer on the laptop or their phone memory card are enough. They ensure that the whole hostel knows that they have an ampex woofer and the latest song in the music arena. Even when they are off to lectures the music is always on, loud and clear.

To be continued

GRADUATION MADNESS Part 1 of 2

Bottomline: the possibility of a South Mugirango SDA church bus not making a grand entrance in main campus is close to zero

My graduation date is setting in fast, everyone including the village chief who only used to talk to me in village barazas, of course after receiving summons to appear before the village barazas for being a bad influence to school going children. The chief was worried that I was becoming an inhibiting factor to his strongman style of leadership since the moment I joined university everything changed from my dress code to my accent. I was the one who ‘controlled the game’ I determined what to wear among my peers depending on the prevailing fashion trends and which hairstyle to have in place. I was simply the SI unit of everything among them considering most of them never managed to go beyond form four, academically.

I started wearing jeans trousers which I only used to see during December holidays when my cousins who stayed in the big city came upcountry for the festive season and having hairstyles which were heavily influenced by celebrities; my most memorable hairstyle was the Balo Mohawk which is or was the default hairstyle of former Manchester City and Italian talisman Mario Balotelli. The first time I went home for long holiday with this hairstyle wearing rugged jeans I brought all operations in our local market to as a standstill. Women started calling each other, talking in hush tones “Injwo! Injwo morore! Ense yaerire!” which when translated to English “come see the world is ending” a clear sign of how people were reserved in this part of the world.

My village mates might carry me shoulder high

Being one of the few people from my village in South Mugirango to ever set foot in a university, a public university on that matter is no joke. I became the first person in the village to use a smartphone, an ‘Ideos’ which was our default phone at that time when joining campus, when Higher Education Loans Board (HELB) was the Higher Education Loans Board not the shadow body it is today courtesy of the delays witnessed. Those days when you find Ksh 50,000/= in your account. When receiving my first disbursement I thought I could buy a car considering I had never laid my hands on such an amount of money in my lifetime.

My biggest headache is the list of people who have already booked their slots in my graduation ceremony from relatives to friend of friends of relatives. Did I forget to mention that my mother is in more than twenty merry go rounds ‘Chamas’ each having an average of twenty different members with each member wanting to be in attendance hence the possibility of a South Mugirango SDA church bus not making a grand entrance in main campus is close to zero. Mong’are and his crew of Alcohol Response Unit (ARU) will definitely not miss the event as it is the only avenue for my father to buy them free flowing liquor to celebrate the occassion.

To be continued………………………………………………………